How To Kill Your Restaurant

There's only one place in town that makes a good Pizza Margherita. Problem is, their service is kind of inconsistent. If I walk in and order the pizza, I might have it within 20 minutes - or I might have to wait nearly an hour (even if I'm the only person in there.) The best way to deal with this is to order by phone: Call them up and place an order, show up at the restaurant half an hour later, and presto! the pizza's there waiting for me.

But even this method isn't infallable.

The other night was perfect for ordering out. Hot, muggy...just didn't feel like heating up the kitchen even more by cooking, so we figured the easy solution was pizza. I looked up the pizzaria's phone number and dialed.

The number rang once, then: "Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system." "Hi, it's K. I can't answer the phone right now, but leave a message and I'll get right back to you."

That's odd. That sounds like someone's personal voicemail, not a business. I double-checked the number against a menu we had magneted to the fridge, and it was correct. Okay, so maybe I misdialed.

I tried again. "Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system." "Hi, it's K. I can't answer the phone right now, but leave a message and -" CLICK. I hung up.

I gave it ten minutes, and then tried once more. "The subscriber you are trying to reach is unavailable or has traveled outside of the service area. Please try again la --" CLICK. Damn it. By then I'd had enough. I found a different pizzaria and placed my order with them instead.

This phone number I dialed is on every one of their internet listings. It's on their business cards. It's on their signs and their menus. Obviously, this is the phone number that they want me to call, and upon which they have hung their ability to conduct transactions. And it's their personal cellphone. This is no way to run a business that relies, at least partially, on phone orders for takeouts. Regardless of how you feel about "going wireless" for your personal phone, the fact of the matter is a traditional landline is still the right choice for a small business. It's not that expensive and landlines are pretty much 100% reliable - no dead zones, no fading, no dropped calls - and when your business hits it big you can put in a multi-line phone, add another number, and never worry about missing an order.

Or you can cheap out, use your personal cell phone and screw the pooch.