Review: Carr's Salt & Cracked Pepper Flatbreads

Hey, remember a few years ago when flatbread crackers were all the rage until everyone realized that no matter what kind of seeds or salts or herbs you baked into them, they just tasted like fancy matzoh?

Carr's wants you to relive those glory days with their new Flatbreads Seasoned with Salt & Cracked Pepper, which - despite being quite liberally loaded with ground and NOT CRACKED black pepper - are spectacularly ordinary. And while the seasoning does add a small touch of peppery zing, it can't compete against the powerful Cardboard Flavor Jitsu of flatbread.

So, while they are perfectly adequate for moving pâté or cheese from the appetizer dish to your gob, there are so many other, more flavorful and better options in the cracker aisle that flatbreads just fall, you know...flat.

Nabisco's Premium Saltines Go Round and Round

I was getting set for a trip to the supermarket late Friday morning, when I noticed a tweet from MassLive News about Nabisco's Premium Saltines:

At first, I didn't think anything of it. Round saltine crackers are really nothing new and there are already several companies that make them. But the more I thought about it, the more the news kind of bothers me.

Nabisco kind of sprung this on everyone. And they're not even giving it an honest chance, putting square saltines next to the new round ones. Check out what I found:

Yeah, those are all the new round crackers. There's no choice because all of the square Premiums are gone, totally replaced by the round ones. Also notice how much shelf space is devoted to the new item. Nabisco is really pushing this one hard. That bugs me. Almost as much as calling them "original" Premium Saltines. Sorry, Nabisco, but these crackers were originally square. You're not going to get people to forget square saltines by just calling these new ones "original" and banishing the real saltines. 

But what is most wrong about this whole thing is the PRICE. The new packages are 10.5-ounce net weight compared to the old ones at 16 ounces. But you'll notice from the shelf tag that they're charging the same old $2.49 a box.

Here's a tip, folks. ALDI and Price/Rite saltines are exactly the same product as the old, square Premiums. In a blindfolded taste test, you'd never be able to tell them apart. But they're 89 cents for a one-pound box and have been for years. Buy those instead and let Nabisco go to hell.

Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon

Knowing how much we love Wheat Thins, Nabisco knew that we were perfect to take their limited-edition Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins for a test drive.

These are a perfect blend of sweet and salty. Think cinnamon-sugar toast with butter. Or Cinnamon Toast Crunch with salt. Or, you know, cinnamon rolls without icing.

You know what? Think of cinnamon. Think of salt. Now combine that with a tablespoon of awesome and think of Wheat Thins. These are great for snacking right out of the box, and especially fantastic when paired with a cheesecake dip or a small smear of vanilla icing. They're even good topped with a slice of cheddar. These little guys are versatile and perfect for the holidays.

Unfortunately, they're only available for a limited time, so get them while they're here.

Lance's Four Cheese Captain's Wafers

A mysterious box landed on my porch the other day, addressed to "Dave's Cupboard."  I had a mirror for my truck backordered, but the box was too small and besides, when I order auto parts I don't do it under the blog's name.  Lynnafred could barely hold out from opening it until I got home from work, but she did, and it turned out to be well worth the wait.

Inside the box were a couple of packages of Lance's new Four Cheese Captain's Wafers crackers, along with a note asking us to try out the crackers and tell everyone what we thought of them.

Right now, you might be thinking, "Wow, cheese and crackers. How can I stand the excitement?"  Trust me, these are different.  Lance has taken a really good, really flavorful blend of cheeses (cheddar, mozzarella, parmesan, and blue) and put them between flaky, crispy crackers.  The cheese blend is awesome because it's so well balanced. All four cheeses combine into a single, smooth flavor and yet one can distinguish each of the individual flavors as well - the tang of the cheddar, the sharp parmesan, the milky mild mozzarella, and slight rich edge of the blue.

Captain's Wafers may not replace the sleeve of bright orange crackers and CHEEZ in your kid's lunchbox.  But you should give it a try in your lunchbox. All the fun of little cheese sandwiches like you remember from second grade, but with a flavor and texture that the grown-up you can really appreciate.

Triscuit Thin Crisps - Chile Pepper Flavor

Everybody has heard of Triscuit, Nabisco's original whole wheat wafers.  They've been around for over a hundred years - no lie, Nabisco started selling them in 1903, and they are every bit as popular now as they were back then.

Recently, Nabisco decided to go in a new direction with Triscuit, and introduced Triscuit Thin Crisps.  They're thinner than the original, lighter and less dense, and somewhat crispier than original Triscuit.  Last week, Nabisco sent me some of their new Chile Pepper Thin Crisps flavor for review, and we dug in.

Chile Pepper Thin Crisps have an awesome flavor profile: There's garlic and onion, and just a faint hint of cheesy tang (that's probably from the buttermilk and whey listed on the ingredients panel.) And over it all, the rich and faintly smoky taste of mild but flavorful chile peppers. They go great with cheese and dips, and are pretty tasty snacking on them right out of hand, too.  The chile flavor really enhances sharp cheese and cheesy dips.

Since Nabisco was generous enough to send me two boxes to try, we brought the second box to a pig roast on Saturday and set them out on the appetizer table with the cheeses, dips, and other crackers.  Apparently, we aren't the only ones who think that Nabisco has got a winner with this cracker, since the Chile Pepper Thin Crisps were devoured before any of the other crackers.  Everyone was enjoying them, especially with a big pan of 7-Layer Taco Dip which was originally served with tortilla chips.  (The tortilla chips didn't start moving again until the Thin Crisps were all gone.)

BLOOPER PHOTO!

I wanted to get a good closeup shot of the Triscuits to show off their texture and the matrix of chile pepper bits and other spices inside, so I set up a neutral white background and put some crackers on a napkin to get the shot ready.  I lined up to take the picture, and just as the shutter tripped, Iris poked her head into the frame, took a single cracker from the pile and ducked under the dining room table to enjoy her stolen treat. (Yes, she likes them too.)

Pepperidge Farm Baked Naturals Cracker Chips

I was trolling the snack machine at work, looking for a midmorning munchie that would bridge the long gap between a 5:30 am breakfast and a noon lunch. As always, there was the usual enormous selection of potato chips, but I wasn't in a very spudly mood; I wanted something different.

Hmmm.  Cracker chips are different.  

I almost didn't buy them, because I noticed that the words "baked" and "chips" both appear on the label.  This reminded me of Baked Lays Potato Chips which, judging by the flavor, are apparently made out of thinly-spread clay sprinkled with flakes scratched off an unwashed ass.  But the Baked Naturals label was too enchanting, with its photo of delicately-formed chips and promise of multi-grain deliciousness, and I could not escape its marketing magic.

The photos do not lie: these chips are indeed delicately-formed, thin as paper, awesome in their fragile shattery crispiness. They're studded with whole grain bits, and when the chips are chomped they simultaneously explode with crunchiness and melt in your mouth.  Quite the entertaining snacktime nosh.

And that it is why I was so disappointed with the taste - they are remarkably bland and cardboardial, and all the crunch in the world can't make up for it.

Pepperidge Farm also makes these Cracker Chips in a "Simply Cheddar" flavor. I'm betting the addition of cheese will really zip things up, so I'm not giving up on Cracker Chips just yet.

Cheez-It Horror

I poured out some Cheez-Its (the Four Cheese variety) onto a plate and this lump dropped out with it.  It's the largest of a number of cheese amalgam chunks I've found in the box. Properly dusted on the crackers it tastes okay, but in massive chunk form, it's rather disgusting.

Let's have a bit more quality control, eh Keebler?