Fishy Delights 17: Chicken of the Sea Smoked Oysters in Oil

There's something about canned smoked oysters. Whenever I see them, I'm compelled to buy them even though I know that they're probably going to taste like shit. It's like I have some sort of strange post-hypnotic suggestion implanted in my psyche that makes me want canned oysters.

Smoked canned oysters are never really good. They turn into dense little clay-like balls with rubber lip trim and the level of smokiness is always horrid. At their worst, they're tiny nuggets of grainy filth that taste like they were rolled around in an old ashtray before being boiled in the can. At their best...well, most of the time they're slightly less tiny nuggets of grainy filth that taste like they were rolled around in an old ashtray before being boiled in the can.

I have to say, though, that Chicken of the Sea smoked oysters are better than the average. They're certainly plumper, and unlike a few other brands I've tried, they actually look and taste like they were probably real oysters. The smoke flavor was not overpowering and actually had some good, fresh-smoke flavor and not the stale, artificial and overpowering rank smoke taste that's so common. Alas, the canning process is never kind to such delicate seafood, and the final result is still dense and clay-like.

I ate them on saltine crackers for maximum lulz. They weren't bad. Unfortunately, I burped smoke flavor for most of the remaining day. I bet they'd be better mashed into some sort of spread or dip, and I just might try that the next time I buy them.

Because you know, I will buy them again. I can't help myself.

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