10 June, 2012

Potted Meat Is Nastier Than You Can Imagine

Of all the cheap canned pseudo-foods out there, the one that undoubtably resides on the very lowest rung of the ladder is Potted Meat (which was once upon a time called "Potted Meat Food Product.") I remember having bought it once long ago and being severely underwhelmed. 

Most of the time when I find Potted Meat, it's either Libby or Armour brand, and stocked on the shelves next to the Vienna Sausage. But at Dollar Tree, the Potted Meat has it's very own shelf, and different brands are sold side by side.

And that's how I found Brunswick Potted Meat With Crackers. How cool! It's just like having an entire lunch in one convenient package! Because the Brunswick kit came with Bryan Potted Meat, a brand I had never tried before, I also picked up a can of Armour Potted Meat so i could do a side by side comparison.

After I got the stuff home, though, I discovered that I really didn't need to compare these side by side. I noticed the USDA inspection seals - Both of them were made at Establishment P-4247. That's Pinnacle Foods, owner of the Armour brand as well as others like Hartford House and Hungry Man. Apparently, their plant is also making Potted Meat for sale under other labels...such as Bryan.  

The primary ingredients of Potted Meat these days are mechanically separated chicken, beef tripe, and salt. There are traces of seasonings and spices as well. "Mechanically separated chicken" is a meat product which celebrates the triumph of technology over nature. Chicken carcasses and bones which are left over from normal processing are forced through a sieve under high pressure, removing every last bit of meat from them. This makes the final product very finely ground and paste-like. 

The Brunswick lunch pack comes with a small Mylar packet containing five nondescript round crackers, a tiny plastic spoon/spreader for the Potted Meat, and the can of Bryan Potted Meat. There are a couple problems with this setup. First, five crackers are a totally stingy portion. Even with the Potted Meat heaped generously upon them, I still ran out of crackers long before running out of Potted Meat. And trust me, having enough crackers is critical to the enjoyment of this product. The texture of the Potted Meat is pretty horrendous. It's a slippery paste with a slightly granular feel (thanks to the tripe) with nothing to sink your teeth into. Putting it on a crispy cracker gives it a more pleasing texture along with a satisfying crunch. And when the crackers run out, it's a lot harder to be enthusiastic about eating a can of salty meat paste.

As for the flavor - well, if you've ever eaten a Vienna Sausage or some cheap bologna, you kind of know what Potted Meat tastes like. But not really because the flavor of the beef tripe really does stand out against the bland "white slime" chicken. And above all else, there's the salt: the choking, throat-parching salt - enough, it seems, to cause cardiac arrest.

Clearly, Potted Meat is virtually inedible on its own. And yet, there has to be a market for it - Armour wouldn't be producing so many cans of it if no one were buying the stuff.  Perhaps people are creating some of the various snackular dishes that Armour suggests on their website. Things like:

Tangy Spread  
2 3-oz cans ARMOUR® STAR POTTED MEAT
1 tablespoon prepared horseradish
1 tablespoon prepared mustard
1 8-oz pkg cream cheese, softened
Bread or assorted crackers 
Combine all ingredients, except bread or crackers; chill thoroughly. Serve on bread or crackers.


Party Pleasers 
1 3-oz. can ARMOUR® STAR POTTED MEAT
1 cup Cheddar cheese, shredded
1/2 cup margarine, softened
1/4 cup onion, diced
12 slices French Bread 
Combine first 4 ingredients, mix well. Spread mixture on bread slices. Broil 5-10 minutes, or until brown.


For more recipes, you can click here to go to Armour's website and follow their links to the recipes if you dare.

9 comments:

DrunkethWizerd said...

This product is incredibly popular with the Latina population in this area. That, and cheap ass jewelry from Avon.

Amy said...

Wow. That is so gross. Thanks for sharing!

TryIndy said...

My grandma loved this stuff w/saltines. I always had it growing up when visiting their house. I remember selecting it as my lunch on a number of occasions. I wonder what the adult me would thing of it? Might have to try it out.

Carol said...

That's what Billy Bob Thornton's character in Sling Blade ate. Potted meat and crackers that he got from the dollar store that he worked at. For some reason that always stuck in my head.

Dave said...

How does it compare to one of my least favourite canned meats - Underwood Deviled Ham? That be some narsty sh**.

BTW - there is also a product called "Underworld Be-Deviled Ham" which I have tried as my imagination won't let me go there.

Shawn Griffin said...

Potted meat is delicious to me. I believe that a person either develops a taste for it or never does. I ate this when I stayed at my grandpa house which was all the time when I was a kid. Grandpa ate it, when he was stationed overseas. The kid in me didn't much care for it. The adult in me loves it. Call it nostalgia. I call it tasty.

Tad Weaver said...

I haven't laughed this hard in a long Time. you made my evening. thank you!!

ThanxToTheAED said...

Tripe used to be the #1 ingredient followed by the "partially defatted pork...etc". Tripe went gourmet and so price went up. This poor man's offal, overnight was replaced with the ubiquitous "mechanically separated chicken puree...". What a shame. The two are as different as pistachio is to the lowly peanut. Lobster is to canned tuna. Tripe is high cuisine and the depth of flavor and fat of tripe makes their mechanically separated chicken substitution taste like chickeny sawdust ... an unworthy substitute. Potted meat until two or three years ago, was the best kept secret of closet gourmets. For thirty-three cents in a tab-top canister we had something that was hard to distinguish from fancy French country pate'. Rich, creamy, salty, fatty rich protein ready to be scooped onto a crusty brochette, crudités or chunk of room temperature brie. Dump the Libby's or Armour potted tripe onto a lettuce landscaped platter with tiny pickles, olives, walnuts and rustic bread and you'd pay $12.50 as an appetizer.

Posters who claim this stuff as processed rot-gut slaughterhouse waste are exposing their naivety and limited knowledge and instead propagate a geeky teenage response they assume alk others will embrace .. the "ewwwww, icky, gross yucko" typical reaction of someone without knowledge and lacking developed taste. These food rookies have been weaned on Velveeta, Pizza Hut and drive though. They equate chicken liver spreads, consune'd meats and pate's as disgusting settlements of the poor and needy gutter people. "Let them eat cake...!" and Cheetos . That's fine. All the more for us that know what's REALLY good eats.

Unknown said...

I am trying potted meat for the first time today, and yes, my curiosity was piqued from watching Billy Bob Thornton eating it in Sling Blade. It's not bad, but the saltiness is a bit overwhelming. If it had a little less salt it would be a lot better but as it is it's OK. Personally, I am thankful for people who have the ingenuity to use every last bit of an animal that would otherwise be discarded. A lot of people get to eat that otherwise wouldn't if all the meat that was leftover after regular cuts were removed from the carcass were thrown away. Would you rather see people starve while edible parts were sent to landfills?