15 May, 2008

Where's My Spicy Baconator, Damn It?

Hey Wendy, you got a minute? We need to talk.

You're really letting yourself go to hell lately, you know? I mean, the quality slide after Dave died - well, that kind of thing happens but everyone expected that you'd pick yourself up and soldier on. Instead, it's been just one low point after another.

I still remember the day we met. That Double with cheese was the cat's ass. Thick, juicy square burgers - so different from anything I'd ever had at a fast-food place! Do you know what the last burger you made me looked like? Greasy flat little sad-assed thing. If it hadn't been square, I'd have sworn I was over Ronald's place. Is that what you want, Wendy? To imitate a clown?

And your chili. I know, I know...you've always taken a lot of grief for your chili - too many beans, they say. Not spicy enough, they say. But I kind of liked it just the way it was. Not any more. That isn't chili, it's tomato soup with beans and a couple of pieces of hamburger in it. You're not fooling anyone with that crap.

Look, Wendy, I know we're not as close as we used to be, but deep down inside I'm still carrying a little torch for you. You have no idea how much it hurt me when you moved in with that dirtbag Arby. Eeugh. Pressed and formed "roast beef." How can you stand that? His "beef" has bubbles in it. It's disgusting.

And now...now, you've booted the Spicy Baconator. How could you do that to me, Wendy? The pickled jalapeños. The smoky chipotle sauce. The Pepper Jack cheese. You know I loved that sandwich, and you took it away. I'm sorry, but that's the last straw. I'm done. Maybe I'll go over and see what Red Robin's up to.

Hey, call me sometime, okay? You know, if you're making Spicy Baconators again.



Kimi said...

Hey, I feel your pain. I grew up in Columbus, and my man ate at the original store. Wendy and he were schoolmates and she invited everyone to have a free burger at her Dad's new place. I have fond memories of being in Jr. High School, scraping up the change with my girlfriend to buy and split a Frosty, and then grabbing tons of free chili crackers and making Frosty sandwiches. They rocked!
The company has gone to hell since Dave's passing. And the ARBY'S thing, what the hell are they thinking?I just thank my lucky stars they haven't messed with the Frosty, at least not yet.
Thank you for caring!

Jill@SimpleDailyRecipes.com said...

Dave - you are HILARIOUS!

I was always a fan of their stuffed baked potatoes, way back in the 80s.

Kimi, I don't know about Wendy's history, but that's a cool memory you've shared. Thank you.