Confectionary "Cigarettes"

American-made candy cigarettes are pretty much a disgrace. Not only are they thin, gnarly lines of extruded white sugar that look nothing whatsoever like a cigarette, but the packaging is horrible - crudely printed cardboard boxes, bare of foil insert and without cellophane wrapper or any other semblance of the "real thing."

Our domestic candy cig packaging is an embarassment when compared to these varieties from Holland.  To protect the confection inside, the inner core of the package is made of corrugated paper, but from there out they're quite authentic, and the build quality is awesome. Nicely printed paper labels around foil paper inside, complete with a seal at the top and cellophane wrapper.  These are believable mockups.

Okay, I'll grant you that "Aerobica" - with its illustration of an 80's-era Exercise Chick on the front - is pretty laughable, but YO! LOOK AT THAT PACKAGING! And check out the chocolate cigarettes you can shake out of the pack just like granddad.  They're wrapped in white paper!

I was within wheezing distance of saying that these candy ciggiebutts are something you can be proud to give your kids to show them how cool and badass they can look while pretending to smoke. But then I actually tasted the chocolate and regretted not having read the label more closely.  It's not real chocolate at all - it's mockolate, made with "hardened vegetable oil" and cocoa powder, and it leaves a greasy film on the roof of my mouth. Eww. These things should come with warning labels.